Happy Face!

A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.

This was a happy day!   These two trend setters and trouble makers met when I was just a wee ginger bairn. The years that followed were filled with birthday parties, Christmas Eve shared as families , and an AnnualNew Years Eve Party hosted by my little Mom!   We also grew up going to a friends lake home during the summer months. My little Mom and her buddy Pat were quite (still are) rambunctious!  Pat began to reminisce about the time she was chasing my little Mom by the lake, and Mom turned and caught her and rolled her in the sand!  I was laughing so hard along with Pat!  My little Mom looked at the two of us like we were off our rockers!  "And you say I'm the one with the memory problem", she quips, "I would NEVER do such a thing!" Those blue eyes of her twinkled with a very familiar mischief!   I see you my little Mom!

Morning Music

Is that music? I wake up to the sound of the aging alto voice of my little mom singing! It doesn't catch my attention because it is majestically melodious, but because not a single syllable of one word has been missed! "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine. Oh, what a foretaste of glory define! Heir of salvation, purchased of God, born of His Spirit, washed in his blood." Straining to reach the high notes with gusto and joy she finishes with, "This is my story! This is my song! Praising my Savior all the day long; this is my story this is my song! Praising my Savior were all the day long!" What a beautiful sound to hear first thing in the morning!  

I go join my little mom and her sweet husband as they finish their devotion time. They both begin quoting by memory Psalm 23. "The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want ... He restores my soul ...yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." I am blown away! I applaud. My little mom smiles!

In the Bible, God talks about His word being a living thing. Jesus tells us it brings life to dry bones, it feeds our soul, and it never returns empty! It is written on our hearts...a place safe from the invisible memory eraser!

Just a few minutes later, my little mom fed Katie her third breakfast because, "Someone needs to feed the Baby her breakfast!" Katie didn't seem to mind! 

#mylittlemom&katie #alzheimersishard #loveher

My little Mom & Katie

My little Mom loves the trees, flowers, and the birds that come to the feeders by her back porch!  But she especially loves Katie (Leonora's Katie) the long haired Chihuahua!  This is a dog who has become like my little sister! :) When the rest of the day isn't making sense and the gears are off cycle, It's Katie to the rescue!  She makes sense all the time!

The Dinner Waltz.

My little Mom & Katie

The Dinner Waltz

One of the original "I do it myself" women is my little Mom. Today it was so evident in her need to be in control in the kitchen. She gets very frustrated trying to cook these days. She used to cook for 200 every New Years Eve and multiple occasions throughout the year!  She loved to entertain!  These days to make anything is a chore. 

 Her control panel is operating with faulty wiring but that doesn't stop her full throttle initiative!  I, too, have the same take charge dance steps that I learned from "you know who!"  This evening as we fixed dinner "together" her desire to take the lead got the best of her for a moment and my "young Angie" resurrected with a smart remark. I immediately recoiled from myself.. "Ugh, not a good call Angie!" Breathe! 

 I was there to help her. But the help she needed at that time was to equip her to take the lead in this waltz!  Counting plates, forks, napkins, and cups; putting things in the oven; taking hot things to the table; test tasting interesting "ideas"; telling her how much was needed; pouring the tea...this was the help she needed tonight.  My little Mom lead the charge for a wonderful dinner tonight!  She looked quite proud of herself!  She felt of value! 

Our waltz was a blend of swing dancing and break dancing, but it was ours! My little Mom and I in a new phase of life making beautiful sassy moments of time!  #mylittlemom #memories #alzheimersishard #valueher #loveher

ALZ-her frustration...be gentle Jesus!

My little Mom & Katie:

ALZ

Her frustration. The agony. The reality of swirling puzzle pieces. The loss of control. The momentary glimmer of connection and relation. The eraser appears to clean the slate. Intuitive thoughts clashing with emotional crossed wires. A rush of tears of frustration feeling like an idiot and so ashamed and embarrassed.  The desire to connect the dots with what the eyes see vs with the warped location sensors. Watch out here comes the eraser again. This is the description of the 2 minutes of when the info light holds and then flickers off   The questions of "how do you know these people?" And "these people" are my kids and she's blown away that I'm related ; missing the point that I'm their mom and her daughter. This goes on in some capacity for 3 hours until she grabs my leg and says," you're my Angie!" Tears are falling down her face. "Where have you been all my life!"  All I know to do is fold this tiny woman into my arms and hold her as she sobs. The confusion and frustration in her soul is palpable. I tell her she is beautiful and smart and she will always be my mom. " I love you dearly!"  I tell her that it doesn't matter to me what she remembers or forgets because I know her, and I will forever be her daughter... Snuggling the. 85 yr old mom who bandaged my boo boos and taught me about Jesus continues until a breeze of peace washes over her beautiful aged face.  Now it's time for chocolate pudding and bed!  And maybe just a little more crying for my aching heart for what is to come for my little mom...be gentle Lord Jesus. Amen.